


Pacing Thoughts

by alliebird58



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 02:59:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5358503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alliebird58/pseuds/alliebird58
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When life gets to be too much, she finds her best thinking comes while pacing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pacing Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This story came from 2 different things:  
> 1) my inability to use rational thoughts when it’s five am (like the thought that I’m a horrible writer)  
> 2) my headcanon that Merida paces when she’s nervous/thinking/anxious/angry/all the time basically
> 
> Unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine. I also didn’t try to use proper dialect because it hurt my brain. Maybe I’ll edit it later to be better. Just read it with an accent in your mind. That’s what I did! 
> 
> Happy reading!

Pacing. Pacing is the name of the current game she’s playing. Back and forth and back and forth, across the width of the room. One, two, three…all the way to eighteen paces, pause, turn, repeat. 

This has been her activity of choice for the better part of the last hour, burning a trail across her bed chambers. Maybe if she continues she’ll burn down the bloody castle and be free of this cursed crown. She takes a breath and pauses in her repetitive motion. If she keeps this up she’s going to wear a hole in the bearskin rug that lays in front of the fireplace, which would make her infinitely more cross than she already is. So she flings herself onto the bed behind her, and takes up counting the little cracks in the ceiling. 

This continues for another ten minutes or so, until Merida can finally breath again without wanting to screech in frustration and loose arrows into the nearest (likely undeserving) person she comes across. Because really the only people deserving of such treatment were those bloody fool council members. Advisers her arse, they were just a thorn in her side. They could spew all the nonsense they wanted, claiming they were “bein helpful” or “looking out for the good of their queen.” But the constant nagging to marry - find a consort, produce an heir - was wearing on her nerves.

Even her mother was starting to take their side (the great traitor), and she was always so logical about everything that when her mother said it, the concept almost sounded…not so terrible.

But it WAS terrible! Merida had spent the last year working her arse off to finally be looked upon as a worthy ruler. Even with the full support of many of her fellow clansmen, there were others who had not been so keen on the idea of a queen ruling without a man by her side. But she had tirelessly striven to be a good leader - fit and fair, just like her mother and father had been. 

And now, after everything she had worked for the council insisted upon her taking a husband (“the sooner the better” had been implied). They were undermining the very thing she had worked so hard to accomplish. She did not need a man beside her to be a good queen. Despite her demanding that she did not need a husband, her advisers were insistent and had brought it up at the last three council meetings and Merida’s patience with the topic was run through. 

She did not want a husband. 

…though if she were completely honest with herself, she didn’t want a husband because someone told her she needed one. She wanted to marry for love, just like her parents before her. She wanted the warm glances and fleeting butterflies and steadfast loyalty a partner chosen out of love would bring, not some nitwit plucked out of the masses and handed to her on a platter. 

Mind running tirelessly, Merida missed the first three knocks at her door, only shaken from her musings by a sharp voice demanding entrance. 

“Aye come in,” she called from her post on the large bed, closing her eyes and not willing to give energy to the person in the hall. She heard the large wooden door creek open slowly, then groan shut, followed by a quiet shuffle and flutter of fabric towards her. When Merida cracked open an eye, the imposing vision of her mother was in sight.

“Are ye done acting like a spoiled brat yet?” Came her mother’s patronizing voice, yet Merida could hear the underlying tone of amusement in her voice. Though Elinor was vastly irritated, she found the entire situation humorous and just a wee bit familiar.

Closing her eyes once more, Merida reluctantly gave in. “Give me two more minutes of wallowing and then we can talk.” Elinor chuckled and seated herself next to her daughter, arranging her skirts and taking in the room around her, patient as ever. 

Finally with a long sigh, Merida hauled herself up to sitting, though not making eye contact with her mother. Although her reasons were justified, she still felt a bit like a child who had been naughty. 

“Alright out with it then, I’m ready for the lecture.”

“No lecture today, my darling, just a chat is all I want. Just five minutes of your time and then I will leave you to your thoughts,” was her mother’s reply. Merida found this a tad bit shocking for she had been expecting a long-winded and righteous scolding on how she was being selfish and mule-headed.

Her mother took a breath and dove right in, knowing that she was working within a time restraint and had to choose her words wisely.

“I know ye do not want to get married. And I know why, because you think this whole marriage nonsense will take away from everything you’ve done to establish yourself as a ruler. But it is also something that must be done.” Merida took a breath, preparing to interrupt such a thought but her mother’s withering glance stopped her before she uttered a word. 

“You have proven yourself to be a good queen and no one is going to deny that. But people get worried when there is no one to take a ruler’s place should something happen.”

“Yes I know all of this. The council has given me every reason in the book. It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t wanna marry some strange fellow!” Merida’s outburst came in a rush of words, falling one after the other.

Merida let out another sigh, and quietly under her breath, “I want to marry for love, like you and father.”

Her response caught her mother off guard. Elinor had expected many reactions from her daughter - from anger to frustration - but this quiet admission was not one she had prepared herself for. 

“That is all fine and well…but you’ve never shown the slightest bit of interest in any of the men.” Elinor glanced over at her daughter as a faint blush of red appeared high on Merida’s cheek bones. 

“Merida, is there someone?” her mother questioned quietly. 

A sigh escaped Merida’s lips and she flopped back once again. How could she begin to tell her mother about how she felt? How a dark, curly haired man with blue painted stripes had gone from loathed enemy to trusted adviser to making her heart glow when he smiled at her? It made no sense and she felt utterly ridiculous even entertaining the notion of these unfamiliar feelings. 

“It doesn’t matter, there’s no way he could feel the same.” Merida let out a groan and nearly kicked herself, realizing too late that she had admitted to her mother that yes, she had feelings towards someone. 

Elinor gave her daughter a quiet smile. “Care to share who this fellow is? Or shall I guess? I do love a good guessing game,” was her mother’s amused response. 

Merida’s glare conveyed that of being highly unamused. 

“Alright no guessing games today. But I will say this - whoever has caught your fancy must have for a reason. Ye don’t go just likin boys all willy nilly, so if there is someone you’ve grown feelings for, I assume there is a reason why.”

Merida gave pause at that, contemplating her mother’s words. Why did her heart race and her palms get sweaty whenever Macintosh looked her way with a smile? Sure he had been a colossal pain in her arse early on (no one need mention him kidnapping her brothers). But since then he had been incredibly loyal and helpful. He was one of her biggest advocates in her beginning days of ruling. As she slowly gained more approval of those around her, he because a confidante of sorts; he was someone she could go to and ask for an opinion and expect an honest answer, the crown on her head be damned. 

Then somehow, slowly, somewhere along the way, he began to make her smile. Little jokes and quips here and there to make her grin when the day was long. She recalled how on one particularly trying evening when she was holed up in her study trying to work out trade agreements with a foreign kingdom; he had brought her a cup of tea. It was so simple and so thoughtful Merida was left reeling. That little gesture had so warmed her heart, and so startled her mind, that she hadn’t been able to express her thanks. 

So yes there were numerous reasons why she found herself glancing a little too long whenever Macintosh left the room. But surely there was no chance of him returning her feeling. She was simple, and hard to deal with, and hot tempered on a good day. No one would willingly want to deal with that day in and day out. 

Right?

Lost in her own thoughts, Merida didn’t even notice her mother rising from her seat at the edge of the bed and making her way to the door.

“I’ll leave you with one last word of advice, my dear, so listen well. Whoever this lad is will never be able to return your feelings if he doesn’t know they are there. Be brave, my darling, and go with your heart.” Elinor quietly opened the door and let it shut behind her with a heavy thunk. 

Merida had nothing to say to that, and the whole concept made her twitchy and wrought with nervous energy. So she rose from the bed and started pacing the floor once more. 

One, two, three…all the way to eighteen paces, pause, turn, repeat.


End file.
